Tobby's Life

A couple weeks ago, Mike Thompson, the Executive Director of The Center Palm Springs asked me if I would tell my story to the 600 guests of their Center Stage 2014 fund raiser.

I thought about it for 24 hours and said yes.

I thought it would be difficult to do, but I believe and love the work that the Center does for this community.   This is the speech I delivered last night.

Hi I’m Tobby and this is my story.

 I own a business called Technology Angelz, and last year The Center, more specifically The Center’s Counseling department – Dr. Gover and her counseling team – were my Angels.  I can honestly say I would not be here tonight had I not utilized their services.

 In 2010 I moved to Palm Springs from Australia with my partner of 15 years. At the start of 2013, after 18 years together, we parted ways.  He chose to move back to Australia and I chose to stay.  

 I didn’t want to leave my new home. There’s something special about this community that I had not experienced anywhere else I had lived. That rang true with the departure of my ex. People would call me – even my customers – wanting to check-in to be sure I was doing ok. I am glad they did, as my life started to crumble around me. Happiness was replaced with anxiety attacks, which became debilitating. Last year I understood how people can just snap.  

 The anxiety attacks I was having left me unable to function. I couldn’t even pay my bills or do my groceries. Things were hard, especially at night – I became afraid of the dark.  I clearly recall having a dinner invitation, and I could not find my keys – I broke down thinking – If I cant find my keys how do I expect to live on my own as well as run my business.  

 Those thoughts began to change after I started counseling sessions at The Center.  Within 3 visits I immediately started to feel better and the anxiety attacks stopped.  My counselor helped me get back on my feet and look at the bigger picture. We started to plan my future.  I felt like I woke up, I was awake with a new energy.

 I recall telling my counselor before our last session that I had been smitten by someone new.  That someone was Tony and I am happy to report that we have been together almost 18 months. We are happy.  I am happy. Without a doubt, The Center not only saved my life, it has helped me live my life.

 And what I learned from my experience, don’t be afraid to ask for help. In fact, I learned it’s okay to ask for help. And now I am here to ask for yours. Please give to The Center, and give generously, so we can continue to have the Center as the Heart of our community.

Thank you.

I would do it again at the drop of a hat.

This past week also brought sadness to my heart.  Bobretta was my counsellor, and I learnt that she lost her battle with cancer.

Bobretta Turned my life around

Bobretta turned my personal life around.  I first saw her at the start of May this year.  I told her my situation and  she was just as confused at Michaels departure as I was and asked that he tell me where things stood.   I read the response to her and she asked my what I thought.   Remembering I was suicidal the week before,  the response I gave to her was a turning point in my mind.  She helped me look at the past objectively, helped me look at my future but most of all she helped me look at myself.   She also told me what to expect in the future, and what bumps may be ahead.  By mid July I was feeling so much better we agreed I have one more session.

I had met Tony by this stage and I told her I was smitten with someone.  I can clearly see her response, that smile and grin she gave me will be with me forever.  I told her what excited me was the future and showing Tony the world.  She gave me her advice regarding the relationship, she said I deserved to be happy.

If I could say one thing to her it would be

“Bobretta, my garden is starting to flourish”

Well things with Tony and myself could not be going any better.  Its almost 3 months since we met,  this is what he posted on Facebook on Sunday night last week.

“I’m just feeling crazy about a certain guy I’ve been seeing for like three months now. I can’t say that I have ever been in love but this is sure making my heart feel things I’ve never felt before”

Then on Monday he gave me a card with this

cuddle buddies

I had told Tony how I felt about him.  He has brought happiness back to my life.  I love it that we are so comfortable with each other and we talk about everything.  The topic of a  conversation we had last night was fear.  He told me he is scared of losing me, I told him I felt the same way.   I could not deal with the loss of another person I loved,  the depths I hit this year almost consumed me.

Within a few hours of this conversation he had changed this Facebook status.

With the events of this year, I was not expecting another relationship nor did I think I would be this happy and content, but I am.

I know my parents and grandparents are looking after me, there have been too many coincidence’s in my mind.

Tony Rowe

Well I am up late again, when I am dog tired.

I have a million things on my mind, but what is lingering are issues that are out of my control.

I have a new journey, all I want to do is erase the hurt, pain and loss I have been through this year.

I am thinking of just walking away from the Jewelry that Michael Granl to back to Australia, which is worth over 20K.  At this point, the hoops and baskets they want me to jump through is a load of  bullshit for what is rightfully mine.

I am at a point where I need to put this all my energy  into my new relationship, and not waste it on this crap.   The past is that,  the past.

Tony thank you!  Your wisdom is beyond your age and reminds me of my Mother.

I met Tony online, just before moving out of the old apartment.

After the second time we met, I would say I was smitten with him.   After just coming out of an longterm relationship, jumping into another one is not high on my agenda.  I told him his and he understood, and said we can be cuddle buddies.

Meeting him made me realize my parents are looking after me, and there is life after Michael.

Cuddle Buddy

I write this post @ 2:30 AM.  I awoke in the middle of the night for no reason, no I can’t sleep.

Well the staycation is coming to a close, Richard, Cornelia and Katelin are back safely from their vacation.

The time alone has let me reflect back on many things, and I know in my heart I have no regrets.

The walks with Murphy, showed me the beauty of this place I call home.  I had forgotten how amazing the sunrises and sunsets.  The walks have helped me get stronger and the pain from the fall has almost disappeared.  I can now go 3-4 days without taking a ibuprofen.

I have very emotional the last couple days, I had been thinking about Michael more so the last couple weeks with the scare from Crazy Dave and then with his birthday.    All things said I miss the person that was my best friend for the last 18 years.

I’d like to thank Tony for checking in on me yesterday.  That gesture touched my heart and made me feel – not so alone.  You have a heart of gold!

The last 3 months life has been a blur.  All I can say is this is not the path I would have chosen.  Having lost both my parents, Michaels departure is also another loss in my mind.  I don’t wish the heartache and sorrow I have felt in my life on anyone else.

I cannot begin to thank my counsellor in helping me the last 3 months.  I have overcome  anxiety attacks, suicidal thoughts, abandonment issues, fears, physical and emotional pain.

I would like to say I am over the bicycle accident but that is one thing yet to overcome.  Everyday I now wake with back pain, and a dull ache in my pelvis.  I wish I could wave a magic wand and have it go away, but that is not going to happen.  Now that things have settled down somewhat I will seek physical  therapy.  I do worry the back pain is from the L5/S1 disc that in my MRI was noticed has having moderate to server degeneration.  I can guarantee you the fall has made this worse.

Now that I am in somewhat of a routine with daily walks with Murphy and swims this pain may subside but I am not putting any bets on it.

On another note, I had my last counseling session last week the timing could not have been more perfect.  I wanted to discuss how I had been recently smitten by a young gentleman.  I know…. I was not planning on this situation arising but somehow it just happened.   I have been told to look after myself first but ensure that I listen to what Tony has to say and ensure that he is listening to what I have to say.   All I can say its is extremely refreshing and is good for the soul.  Its times like this I know my parents are looking after me.

Where does time go I can’t believe it’s two months since I had my bike fall, May 18 to be exact.   Can I say I did not expect to have 5 pelvic fractures but what does not kill you makes you stronger.

I cannot be begin to thank Marcie and Victor and my other friends who have helped me with packing up 803 and moving the office and my self to La Maison Palm Springs.

I will never move in summer again.  The last 2 weeks saw higher and more humid conditions than the usual.  Alas all I can say is the hard part is over, and I have started to settle into the hotel.

Thanks to Richard and Cornelia for their wonderful hospitality, they have made me feel like family.   Your absence is missed but I have Murphy’s company keep me occupied.

Feels like home

Relaxing on a Friday evening after the fires and the move

I had a relatively  busy day yesterday, worked with Marcie from 10 till 2,  1hr nap, bank, counseling, a quick dip @ Rusty’s, dinner with Josh and Steve and a Movie @ home,  I was pretty sore towards the end of the day.

I kept up the ibuprofen as recommended by my client and this morning I was able to walk to the bathroom without being in agony.

I just a 1/2 vicodin and the ibuprofen this AM and was able to walk downstairs get some cereal and come back up stairs with ease compared to the last 2 weeks.

Sorry if this sounds boring, but when you are own your own, things like this make a HUGE difference in your life.

Thank you again to all those who have looked after me.

XXOO